It's becoming more clear...

All of today I was in depression mode. I weighed myself and it was at 109 lbs. I went from 115 to 109 with out barely any food. Now I just need to work out so that my body doesn't collapse on me. However, I'm still stressed to the max but i'm slowly becoming myself again.

I took a long hot bath to clear my head and think about everything and I've finally realized that i just need to do what I need to do. Work until i'm able to go to college and finally have my life organized. Which I will do. Matt will either follow by my side or he will continue to show lack of interest in communicating with me when we are apart. Its time to focus on me for the moment though this is hard with my depression but i'm trying to think positive again, trying to bring my old self back and show everyone that the 'real' Amber is still here and as positive and happy to help in any way I can. Its how I survive. I guess I just got depressed because I want him to be by my side, I see other couples all the time, on facebook, on the streets, on TV, and I just wish for once I could have a relationship that is equal in the way they love each other and obsess over each other. He is my world but he hasn't really acknowledge that I am his.

Either way I want him, I want him in my life and future and i'll do anything I have to do to achieve that. Until he gets annoyed with me but Amber's back...i'll go to work tomorrow with a smile on my face and continue the next couple of months putting things in order. When I think positive, things that make me happy happen. So i'm forcing myself out there, to be a positive thinker.

Until tomorrow ~~~